Recombinant Rant
by SimplySupreme
Summary: Everyone loves bird kids! But sometimes, books work better when the author takes the time to do a little research. Luckily for you, I've done a little complaining and explaining on just this subject! Reviews greatly appreciated!  :D


_This is a little rant of mine on the Max Ride version of Recombinant DNA technologies. Just know that I absolutely adore these books, but each series has a weakness, and the lack of research as well as gaping plot holes is this series'. I hope you enjoy my little lecture. Please R&R and be amused! :D_

What human being who has ever read the Maximum Ride series isn't suddenly bombarded with an insane desire to grow a pair of wings and jump off a cliff? I read the books for the bird-kids. But after re-reading the series on a road-trip void of such essentials as wi-fi and cell signal, I realized that I have a bone to pick with Mr. Patterson, who clearly understands very little about recombinant DNA technologies (and let's face it, genetics in general). And I know what you're going to say. "The genre is Science _Fiction_! It doesn't _have_ to make sense!" You're correct. It doesn't _have_ to make sense. But as a reader, I believe in turning a critical eye towards whatever I happen to be devouring at that moment. Hence, my rant.

First of all, allow me to address the simplest concept of them all. Genetic manipulation of eukaryotic organisms, especially those as complex as humans, is _difficult_. People aren't like bacteria, and you just can't shoot them up with doctored plasmids and expect the gene to express itself. Heck, the development of such beings as a human/avian hybrid is _years_ if not _decades_ beyond any of our current technology! It is completely revolutionary and unbelievable that any one product of genetic manipulation would be so successful, much less capable of basic functions, even in the beginnings of developing tools to do so properly.

On another note, (I'll just throw on a cape and call myself Captain Obvious.) bird kids have wings. They have avian-esque bones and muscles that are extremely light, elevated heart rates, and burn more calories per day than the average human. All of these adaptations are, given the proper circumstances (such as genetic technology from the _future_) reasonably plausible. Arranging six limbs would be _extremely _problematic, true, but for the sake of argument, we are assuming that all of this has been properly sorted out within the bird kids' DNA. Now will someone _please_ explain to me how _all of this_ is included in the only 2% of this DNA that isn't human? Like, really? 2%? _How_? But obviously, Mr. Patterson knows something we don't, and has the ability to alter the underlying structure of the human body by simply swapping an allele or two.

Now, don't get me started on their talking, flying dog. Just don't. But, since we're on the subject… Why oh why does that dog _talk_? To do so, not only would he be required to have a higher brain function than any dog ever before (as he is portrayed with intelligence on par with a human's) he would also need humanoid vocal chords and a different tongue. Yes, tongue. Did anyone ever wonder why parrots are able to talk, while cats and dogs aren't? The difference is that the tongues of a parrot and human are thick and pliable, while a dog or cats' is very thin and has limited flexibility. This affects their ability to form the words in their mouths. But nowhere is the talking dog's tongue mentioned, so I'll be an optimist and say that Mr. Patterson must think it overwhelmingly obvious, and unworthy of being overstressed. But I simply _can't _overlook the fact that the dog, legit, _grew_ wings. They just sprang right out of his back in a total Zeus/Athena move! Let me make one thing perfectly, _pristinely _clear. DNA does _not_ spontaneously change in every single one of the cells in your body! Just… _no_! And while it's true that some traits in existing creatures don't express themselves until a certain age, it is not usually something so dramatic as an extra set of functional limbs. (The exception would be insect metamorphosis, but little Todo here is a mammal people!) In any case, it is attributed to further genetic mutation rather than maturing.

This strange habit of suddenly granting characters mystical mutant powers through continued mutation of DNA is extended into the bird kids especially. The best example of this is Angel. Hello, the kid can read minds, breathe underwater, shape shift, withstand pressure conditions on the bottom of the ocean, and pretty much do anything else you could think of! I think Mr. Patterson has been watching a little too much X-men, don't you? Sorry to point this out people, but I'm fairly certain that magical powers do _not_ result out of altered DNA. I mean, camouflage and slight appearance alterations are plausible, but they're octopus, not bird. Well, last time I checked birds couldn't do most of that stuff. Let me know if something's changed in the past five minutes guys.

So… I'm fairly certain that my incredible cynicism has, for the moment, passed. I suppose that the reason I wrote this was to encourage all of you to take a step back from whatever you're reading and test yourself and the author against what is possible, and what you know to be true. Not every published work is quality, and it takes a discerning eye to separate the drivel from the genius in a book that hangs in the balance. Reading is only what you make of it, so make the most! :D

_Reviews, por favor?_


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